And whilst I’ll spend time updating this with my thoughts, I thought I’d spend some time reflecting on the past year.
To be honest, time flies. To think 6 weeks ago I was graduating, and 6 months ago I didn’t even know wherr I’d be for the next 2 years.
The most important thing is that I am happier now. I don’t love as much as I thought I would, I poured my heart and love and time and effort into someone who couldn’t return my affections. I found someone who I had soo much chemistry with, but had no balls on him. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone I connected with as much as him, but I think that was completely circumstantial. It was based on the fact that it was wrong, and it was a secret, our little thing. It was invigorating and sensual, and every little touch I went crazy. I learnt nearly everything about how amazing being together physically should be, but also endured every emotional heartbreak and more. What kept us together was the physical attraction, and what ripped us apart was his lack of commitment, his fear of giving his time to another, his selfish needs of another person, and his fleeting promises. In a way, there’s nothing more disgusting than seeing someone trying to claw through their past and present mistakes, the pitiful excuses for breaking the heart of someone who wholeheartedly loved them. There is nothing he can do. He slowly broke me, the years. I was a slave to his manipulative ways, and he is not a good person. I have no respect for him, and once he works through his childish ways, he may get better, but not with me.
I am thankful to have met him, he made me feel things I never thought I could. But that part of my life is over now. He’s had enough chances to prove himself and he never did. I can’t risk having my life screwed up over and over again by him. Maybe his feelings are real, but his actions are just shit.
So to you my dear, I hope you have a good birthday, eat lots and play with the dog. Love your parents and your grandma, and take care of yourself. One day you’ll understand my decisions, and with that you’ll realise that your actions have consequences.
The goal isn’t too sleep with as many people as possible, but to find that one person you want to sleep with for the rest of your life. Never settle for less than you believe you deserve. You live once. Don’t settle for subpar in anything you do.